A Southern Gentleman's Story

My name is John Dworske. I was born November 1964 in Virginia. My mothers name was Christine Marie and my fathers name is Jerry. My parents met in Hawaii while my dad was there on Marine Corp duty, and my mom was living with her parents. She was only 16 years old when they met at the swimming pool on base, dad was 19. My father was showing off, doing flips off the high dive. One of his dives resulted in a rip in his bathing suit. My mother, who was watching the young handsome marine do his dives, came to his rescue with a towel. This is how they met. They married and continued their lives for the next thirty-two years traveling to many places, to wherever the Marine Corp took them. In three short years my parents were able to produce their pride and joy; three boys Jerry, John and David.

The next three years I really don't remember as I was just a wee little baby...In 1967 my dad went to Vietnam. My Mother and the three kids moved out to El Cajon, California where we stayed with my mothers cousin Kathy. After being in California for a while mom and decided to move the family to New Jersey while dad finished his tour of Vietnam. Nana and Pop were very happy to have their daughter-in-law and three grand kids stay with them in beautiful Elizabeth New Jersey. Nana and Pop were the quintessential loving caring grandparents. They loved and spoiled their grandchildren rotten. We stayed there in New Jersey until 1968 when my dad returned home from Vietnam. Pop had a green Dodge Dart with the "MARINES" in 18" bold font plastered on the driver side doors, covering the entire length of the car. He was proud of his Marine Corp son who had enrolled into the Marines the day he graduated from high school. He loved his sons family dearly. From New Jersey we moved to the Naval Weapons Station in Charleston, South Carolina. We lived in South Carolina until my dad got orders to Scotland. I have vague memories of South Carolina mostly from pictures of us on the beach in our 1970's style bathing suits.

After leaving New Jersey Dad was sent to Scotland. We were stationed in Scotland from 1970-1972. We lived in a small cottage out in the country. In order to have hot water a fire had to be built in the fireplace. The fireplace was the cottages only source of heat. Coupled with the love that my mother had for her three children; that love kept the cottage in the countryside of Scotland a warm and cozy place. I remember riding in the car and seeing fields of purple heather smothering the landscape, and rolling hills and valleys veined with tranquil streams flowing endlessly. The beautiful landscape and the grandiose castles are the clearest memories of Scotland I have. One day we adopted a sad and lonely black Labrador Retriever and German Shepard-mix. A few weeks later, one night while home with my mom and two brothers ‘Blackie’ cornered me in the kitchen and threatened me with his shiny fangs. I was scared to death. The next day my dad and his friend took the dog out to the woods for a ‘walk.’ That was the last we ever saw of Blackie. I started school, kindergarten, the first and second grades. That is what I remember of Scotland.

"I do remember the huge trout that you caught at Loch Wee and I remember you standing on the door step with the fish in your hand and it was almost as long as you."(Jerry Dworske Sr., email, October 2000.)

We then moved to Andrews Air Force Base in Maryland and stayed there until 1974. Andrews AFB memoirs are much more clear. I was now almost 10 years old. I remember getting in a fight with a girl in the neighborhood who was a little older than me. She kicked my butt. My older brother Jerry came to my rescue and went and beat her up in return. Humm...kids....

I remember playing little league my, dad as the team coach. While in Andrews Air Force base my brother David set the woods on fire and got in lots of trouble by the Police, the firemen and my dad. David and his friend Victor learned a valuable lesson about playing with matches. One of the first traumatic events in our families life was here. The unfortunate death of my mothers fourth child. A redheaded girl. Elizabeth would have been a great and very loved sister. Eventually we healed. Time heals all wounds. We had a lot of living to do. My mom was only 27 years old at this time. We had a wonderful life so far.

My dad then received orders to go overseas to Japan. Instead of going to Japan with him we were moved to Dugway Utah, a small military base 100 miles south east of Salt Lake City. My two brothers and I each had a motorcycle, which we raced freely throughout the vast desert that surrounded Dugway Proving Grounds. I had a Yamaha 60, Jerry had a Yamaha 90, while David, the youngest drove a mini bike. We had lots of fun tearing up the dry desert terrain. There were literally hundreds of miles of desert for us to explore. This is where I developed my like for adrenaline rushes. Powering through turns and flying over jumps was exhilarating. One day the neighbors called the MP's (Military Police) on us because we were creating a dust storm. The effects of three young boys racing their bikes around and around a little oval track. I remember asking my mom for 35 cents to put gas in my motorcycle. While in Dugway Utah I joined the local swim team. I hated it. Getting up very early in the morning and jumping into a cold pool was not my idea of fun. I also played basketball. This is where I developed my first feelings of self-consciousness. When it was my turn to play "skins", I was terrified. I was a little chunky and was embarrassed about it. My self-image issues began here in Utah playing community league basketball. We played community league baseball as well. Pop came out to visit and remembered watching his two grandkids play baseball together. John playing first base and Jerry playing third. Pop told me this story many times and would mention how proud he was of us.

"That was one of the best days of my life, watching Jerry catch a hard line drive at third and then throwing the ball over to John at first base."(Pop Dworske, 1993)

While in Dugway, my Mom developed gall bladder problems and had to go into surgery, so dad returned home. The surgery turned out fine. The Dworske family left Utah in a big red van and traveled across the states in what was to be a fabulous journey for all of us.........

We left Utah in a red Dodge Van the summer of 

I used to live in San Francisco CA with my partner Rafael Ruiz. We have since broken up and he lives in Seattle and I am living on 9th street between Market and Mission. We used to live in a wonderful flat in one of the best neighborhoods in San Francisco. We lived there with two roommates Peter and Alex, both of whom, are from the Boston area. I moved here from Snowmass Colorado in the spring of '96 after a wonderful six months of powder heaven in Aspen Colorado. I waited tables at Roti, Red Herring, and Zuni Cafe.   I waited on the likes of Sharon Stone and Martha Stewart while at Zuni.  I used to ride my bike to work daily. Riding the city streets late at night is invigorating and very interesting, especially on the streets of San Francisco. 

Currently I am living in San Francisco California working as a Unix Systems Administrator for a cool company downtown.  Topica is downtown SF at 3rd and market. Check them out at www.topica.com if you are in need of an email marketing campaign services.  Work is only 6 blocks away, which improves quality of life 10 fold.  Work with out commute is the way to live.  This is what I will strive for the rest of my working days.

Prior to Topica, I was working at RagingNet as a Network Operations Associate.  RagingNet is very cool.  Check them out at www.ragingnet.com if you are in need of any form of Network management or consulting.

Wow what an incredible week I had this past week...Daddy D came out from Greenbackville VA for a visit...

Dad stayed at my place...he walked with me to work each day...after dropping me off at work....Dad tooled around San Francisco...trying to bring some love to the people here...there is so much poverty and homelessness downtown SF it can make one very depressed...Dad didn't like that part too  much but managed to fully enjoy himself...each day last week Dad would meet me at work and we would go to lunch together...one day Chinese...the next day sandwiches from Lee's Deli...after work each day I would meet dad back at my crib and we would eat dinner together...we went out a few times and I cooked him some Chicken Adobe tacos with salad....Dad met several of my friends and also visited a few of the watering holes that I often patronize...at night we pretty much just chilled out and watched TV together...

On Friday Dad and I took off to the Sierras for a camping trip to the Jamin' Tree Didgeridoo Festival in North Fork California...North Fork is located in the Sierra Foothills near Yosemite...it was quite the festival...everyone smiled and spoke with one another...there was musical talent everywhere...there was so much love vibe emanating from the Festival...it was a true California hippy fest...some world class Didgeridoo players played on stage Thurs - Sun nights...it was an incredible experience...camping at a hippy fest with my Dad...and the best thing about it was that it was my Dad whom initiated the entire trip...Dad has been playing the Didgeridoo for quite a while now and is quite good...he has the circular breathing down we...the Didgeridoo is a very spiritual instrument...it originates with the Aborigines of Australia...an abused race of people...camping with Dad was great...pitching the tent in the dark was interesting...

Camping with Dad was great...

One day while back in San Francisco, Dad bought a flower for a poor homeless woman that was ranting and raving at an imaginary person in the middle of the street...the woman calmed as Dad gave her the flower...Dad is a very considerate and selfless man...he tries to bring goodness to all those that he comes in  contact with...all my SF friends would tell me..."wow John your dad is so cool...he's a great guy.." just like we heard growing up as kids...all of our friends loved our parents...the Dworske household was a cool place to be...

Dad came with me to the co-location where he was able  to see the hundreds of computers that I help manage...photos soon to be on OrangeIguana...

I learned allot this past weekend hanging out with Dad...he reminded me about forgiving, accepting, and mostly how to be more compassionate for all my fellow humans...it is easy to get jaded and bitter in this city...most people simply walk...walk...walk...all with somewhere to go...somewhere to go fast...and hardly ever will you find strangers chatting each other up here...sometimes it happens...but not a very common occurrence...

These are some of the 100 devices my team and I are responsible at work...very cool...

Ok...that's it for now...chow 'til next time...

Nov 21 2005

Yo dawgs...whats the haps..!!

I guess perhaps I will  start putting the dates at the beginning of my entries...then we will know the dates 20 years from now...that will be interesting to be looking at these words and thoughts 20 years from now...cool...

Work is going well...looks like this is turning out to be a journal  entry as  opposed to an autobiography...shoot I guess it has been about 3 months since my last confession...I mean journal entry...anyway...all is good...work is going well...didn't I allready say that...enjoying  my position as Unix Systems Administrator...very challenging and exciting...

Hummm...so this is going to be difficult...not sure how personal I should get on this medium...I mean there are some things that are best left to oneself...so I guess you won't be getting the all the 411 on Johnny D....just bits and pieces deemed appropriate for this website...

Things are going well...my apartment has not been too bad lately...downstairs woman likes to play her music very loud at 3 or 4 in the morning...can't have that...she has been pretty good lately...

Getting lazy lately...I used to be at the gym 5 - 6 times a week...lately I am lucky if I get there 3 - 4 times per week...which I guess is not really that bad...got to get my eating in check though...that is the killer...food tastes so good...can't keep the fork down.

Well that's it y'all...got a case of writers block...ttyl...

Nov 24 2005

Happy Thanksgiving...today was great...spent turkey day in LA...went to Shakey's Pizza Parlor...had pizza, fried chicken and some batter encrusted fried potatoes...long way from Moms home cooking in Virginia...but that is cool...love the company I am with...that makes all the difference in the world...

Flashback to 1995...it was Thanksgiving day...winter of 1995...just arrived in Aspen Colorado and landed a cool apartment right away...that morning...crazy...

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December 07, 2005

Letter to long lost friend from High School...updating her to my existence since 1983...

Celia,

Yo girlfirend...thanks for contacting me...great to hear from you...that is too funny the story about the kids...yeah it is a small world...

Sounds like you have a full on life so far...full of good stuff mixed with a little bad...but hey...such is life...sounds like you are very happy...I am glad for that...I used to visit Michele Malesky there in that house...played in her backyard...too crazy...I imagine you are having a blast raising a family...

So here you go...my life story...after HS I went to George Mason Univ...I wrestled 2 years there...learned alot about life...had two great years in Fairfax...then transferred to Old Dominion University...where I attempted to get a BA in Education...didn't get the BA in education...just got distracted...I was 21, deep in the closet, and hating myself...so it was difficult to imagine my self up in front of kids trying to be a teacher/leader when I really disliked myself for those feelings I harbored...(fancy word used for dramatization)...

That was the "Dark Period"...my life from about the ages of 20 - 28 yrs old...a time when I spent most of my energy hiding who I was...not sharing myself with my friends or family...allot of time was spent on just trying to feel good about myself...hiding from my parents and friends...I was weighed down with feelings of shame, and felt as though I was less than, my peers...it was really difficult time for me back then...the Dark Period ended...thank God...

It was 1993...I was 28 yrs old...I met this guy...Arthur Crespo...hot Italian stud man from New York City...knew him for just a short time...one night I had him over my to house to chill...it was that night I had an epiphany...a clearing of my mind...the epiphany was the realization that there are men out there that are similar to myself...gay men that were masculine...men that were not the stereotypical feminine gay guy...a realization that not all gay men are girly men...and that just because I was gay that didn't mean that I was a girly faggot...the realization that being gay was OK...

It was that night with Arthur Crespo watching the "Crying Game" with my arms around him...him leaning on me as we lounged on my couch...I can vividly remember the feeling that overcame me that night...I felt as though the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders...I had for so many years really hated who I was...and was fully consumed in self destructive thoughts...the Dark Period ended...thank God again...

So 2 years at GMU...then ODU...then TCC...started waiting tables at the Duck Inn while at ODU and TCC...and as you know...waiting tables can be quite lucrative...especially at the Duck Inn...Jerry and I bought a house together in 1988...he and I lived together for a few years...Jerry met Deana and soon they planned on getting married and having kids...

In 1991 Jerry and Deana got married and had a baby...I bought a Condominium over off of Princess Anne Road...lived there until 1995...I stayed in the Condo there in VA Beach until Thanksgiving of 1995...

Fall of 1995 rented out my condo, and moved to Aspen Colorado...wanted to spend a winter in Colorado...waiting tables at night and skiing all day every day...I arrived in Aspen on Thanksgiving day 1995...

Backtrack...Duck Inn...Henrys Seafood...Lynnhaven Fish House....Bella Pasta...Ships Cabin Restaurant...VA Beach Resort and Conference Center...those are the restaurants I worked in from like 86 - 95...waiter...manager...waiter...did pretty well...

March 1995 my grandmother dies...2 weeks later my grandfather dies...2 months later my mother dies...my dad was devastated...first both his parents...then his wife of 30 some odd years together...she was only 48 yrs old...very tragic time for our family...we all grieved in our own ways...many of our choices for grieving may not have been the best...but we all managed to survive...

It was especially hard on my dad...as we was 53 when she died...they still had many plans ahead of them...many years left...guess it wasn't meant to be...Dad recovered and is now finally happy and back to himself again...although a much changed man...for the better I may add...Dad is now remarried to Pat...a wonderful woman...they seem to adore each other...a very good match...

So winter of 95 after many years in VA Beach...I decided to do something I had dreamt about for years...I was going to go to Aspen Colorado....get a job in a fancy restaurant and Ski as much as possible and try and become the skier that I always wanted to be...well I skied for a few weeks...then put a snowboard on and I was addicted to snowboarding...I never put the skis back on...so I am a bit fanatical about snowboarding now...living a winter in a Ski town can surely change a man...spent the winter of 95 - 96 boarding my ass off....loving life...working...partying...yeah did say partying...I must admit...I have been know to indulge in some bad shit...I will leave it at that...but I managed to make it and am still alive and kickin...sometimes when I think back...I must have been very lucky or someone up there is watching out for me...as I experienced many crazy dangerous things...

After my winter in Aspen...I decided not to go back to VA...but instead continue on west to California...San Francisco...San Francisco was my destination for 2 main reasons: the culinary scene in San Francisco is world class and secondly the gay scene also is world class...so whalalalal...there you go Johnny D is SF bound...

Got to SF April 1996...found a cheap place for rent...got a good job in fancy restaurant...met a guy Ralph Ruiz...who became my lover for the next 6.5 years until we broke up in Dec of 2001...he and I were very good for each other...we both grew and learned allot...but our time was not meant to last...we are still great friends...and know I can count on him for anything and me the same for him...

In 2000 I went back to Heald College while waiting tables at Zuni Cafe...look it up...world class...waited on Martha Stuart and Sharon Stone there...tre cool lunch/dinner spot downtown SF...anyway...graduated Heald College with an Associates in Computer Technology...landed my first job as a Network Operations Associate...taking care of computer networks...did that for 5 years at the same place www.ragingnet.com , check them out...then got a new gig recently for a company, www.topica.com .  I love Topica...check us out...I do Unix Systems Administration for them...tre cool too...

I live on 9th and Market, downtown SF, work at 3rd and Market...fortunately I have way cheap rent...and walk commute to work...my gym is walking distance as well as a plethora of incredibly diverse watering holes where I am able to have a drink or two...or three sometimes...yeah still single...so out looking for the love of my life...

I am actually seeing this one guy...he lives in LA...so we don't consider ourselves boyfriends....the long distance thing seems to be working for us...absences makes the  heart grow fonder...he is an incredible man...and I fully enjoy having him in my life...I love to go snowboarding with him...alone in the mountains with a hot man...snowboarding and making love having fun...that is my ideal dream vacation...

So there you go in a nut shell...Virginia Beach (1973 to 1995) ==> Colorado (winter 1995/96) ==> San Francisco 1996 - 2001 ==> 1 year in Seattle (w/Ralph 2001 - 20002) ==> back to San Francisco in 2002, single and ready to mingle...

Worked in restaurants from 1987 - 2001...

July 2001 - Network Operations Associate - RagingNet...

July 2005 - Unix Systems Administrator - Topica...

Many friends...many lovers...many travels in between...one day I will have them all down in writing so anyone who wants to can read back and see what John Dworske did during his life...

Hence my website... www.orangeiguana.net ; check it out...have lots of pics of family, friends, events...

Ok Celia...I think that is about it for now...I will chat you up later...lets keep in touch...

Not the best written Celia...but will have to do...I am tired and need to go to bed...

Take Care...

Love,

John Dworske

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